So I got a call from my parents earlier today and the left me a message that they'd try to call back later.

I saw that they had called from Gramma's house so I called that number back and got the news that my older brother's son had died shortly after birth (about and hour and 20 minutes).

So I left a message with Gramma for my parents to call me back and then decided to go out and mow the lawn.

So when I was finished, I saw that I had missed calls on my cell phone and voice mail on my home phone...from my older brother's cell. So I called back and left a message.

I took a shower, and called back and got my older brother back. One of the neatest things he said was that when Spencer (one of his boys) got near mommy and the baby, the baby would always squirm around more. And when Spencer held the baby for a short time, it was the only time that the baby opened one of it's eyes.

Even though I basically knew that this was going to happen (the odds considering the condition that the baby had were not in it's favor...even slightly), it all brings me back to when John Andrew died.

John Andrew had Trisomy 18 and lived for a short while ( a few days) before passing on. I was absolutely devestated back then because this was gonna be the brother that I was going to have a good relationship with... Maybe it's part of that welling up again, but I have been having trouble keeping a hold of my emotions...like I normally do.

I was chatting with Jen, who had a not so good day herself...and I had a realization...It was at that point where I think I lost my faith. I know I had always had doubts and had asked a whole lot of questions (even at 8 years of age) but I think it was that that made me doubt the whole belief system that I was raised with.

So I left to run some errends...to pick up a camping mattress for the weekend and to pick up some things at target (one of which, the Tide HE dye free detergent, I totally forgot). And I remembered that you could buy card tables at target...so I did...Now I have a dining room table...of sorts.

But I got back and had another message from my parents from grammas...but they were shortly headed back to cedar rapids...

So now, instead of camping all weekend like I planned, I'll be going to a funeral on friday. I guess it's all works out because I already took PTO for that day...and I don't regret going to the funeral either. Hyrum and Diane need our support right now and I'll give it to them in anyway that I can.