I occasionally talk about my depression, but, it’s time to be public about it, and my struggles.

I’ve been therapy for years, initially a couple of times a week, then weekly, monthly, now every other month.

I have been on an anti-depressant of varying strengths for longer (initially prescribed by my PCP, then upped with a Mental Health Nurse Practitioner or two, whom I see every so often).

My depression (Recurrent MDD) generally expresses itself as anger, mostly at myself, but it also boils enough to splatter on to others. To combine that with anxiety, also can be helpful in my chosen career, but can be overwhelming at times.

I know that I set routines to try to keep my brain in general check. 6 days a week I make sure I get some sort of exercise, I read books about the issues, I listen to Depresh Mode with John Moe, and Before that The Hilarious World of Depression. I try to make sure I go to bed at a regular time, wake up at a regular time, not intake to much caffeine.

Sometimes, I do need just extra time. In the past month I have taken a couple of days where I specifically have planed to do nothing. No video games, no TV, just resting, maybe some music. These sort of help bring me back down to a normal where I can try to look and understand what’s going on. But then again I don’t always get it.

Recently I stated openly to my co-workers, some of whom I had talked individually about it, and they were open, accepting and understanding, which I am grateful for.

I will perhaps write more, as I have time to write about how things can feel, battles, speculation, and probable genetic components.

I will first like to thank someone who helped me, when she had her own struggles, and just opened my mind to the fact that perhaps, this was the case for me as well, more then 20 years ago, when I was trying to manage my mental health between a ever changing balance of caffeine, nicotine, alcohol and cannabinoids, not that I told her that. I think somewhere between the first and second years of college? So thanks K.

Written Saturday - Monday.