Lessons to be Learned in the Kurth Household

So my mom put this together and it is posted on her fridge.

I will not talk about my underwear to company. I will not take my sister’s jellybeans and ration them back to her. I will not tease the cat and then use her as a weapon. I will not say “door knobs” when I fart. I will not use my lima beans for ammunition. I will not bribe my younger siblings to do my work. I will not put toothpaste on the doorknob. I will not eat mustard out of the jar. I will not drink the whole bottle of soy sauce. I will not put my brother’s head in the mailbox. I will not spill ketchup on the ceiling. I will not pee on my sister. I will not chase my brother up a tree. I will not throw skates at my brother that I chased up the tree. I will not scream when my socks “feel” uncomfortable. I will not leave my uneaten lunch under the bed or behind the furnace. I will not leave my uneaten lunch in my locker until it turns green. I will not have my friend’s brother pretend he is my dad and call in to school to have me excused when I feel like skipping. I will not wet my sister’s bed. I will not turn off the water shut-off valve when my brother is in the shower. I will not talk about my bodily functions at meals. I will not leave my used tissue on the dinner table. I will not teach my younger brother to burp, then have a burping contest with him. I will not poke the kid who sits in front of me at school with a hatpin, even if he is teasing me. I will not laugh at bodily noises. I will not wheedle my friend’s parents to give me a ride when my parents tell me it is close enough to walk. I will not leave a bucket of water on the toilet lid to keep the sewer monsters from escaping. I will not make a catapult for water balloons and aim them at the neighbor’s window. I will not stay up all night playing video games. I will not bite people. I will not eat so much that I barf. I will not keep my family waiting to go swimming while I curl my hair. I will not hide instead of going to class. I will not wear my pajamas to school. I will not bark at the neighbor’s dog. I will not take a bath in the toilet. I will not put deodorant on the walls. I will not lock my little brother in the playhouse. I will not hit my little brother when he cries about our brother locking him in the playhouse. I will not ask the same question more than fifty times in a row, hoping mother will change the answer. I will not announce when I fart. I will not keep my family waiting in the car for ten minutes while I comb my hair. I will not date brothers on alternating days. I will not expect Mother to put the grapes back on the stems if they fall off. I will not hide mother’s clothes because she asks me to hang up my own clothes. I will not borrow my sister’s clothes without permission and return them dirty or torn. I will not “borrow” my brother’s clothes without his knowledge and trade them to friends for clothes that I like. I will not pour chocolate milk on the head of the boy sitting next to me in the cafeteria. I will not eat worms. I will not eat dog food, even if it is on a plate. I will not debate everything my mother says to me, even “Good Morning.” I will not box up all my younger brother’s toys so that I have more room to put my things away. I will not make promises I don’t intend to keep.