thinking and etc

So, today was Seth's last day at Harland Financial...being a temporary Unix administrator. I'm really glad I met seth and I have missed not going to lunch him (stopped going to lunch cause that partially pays for my new car). So We went down to Top's Steak House for his final lunch and it was me, Brandon, Jen, Seth and Dusty. It was pretty nice to spend the time with them during luch. Not having lunch has really made the days seem a lot longer then they used to be.

And after work he invited us all down to Rock Bottom Brewery to play pool. So instead of mowing the lawn, like I should've, I headed over there. i played some games of pool, Chatted with a few people (most from Harland). People started leaving and at the end it was me, Ryan, Seth and Bri.

some very interesting discussions were had, ranging from me, to religion. And I think that Seth was very perceptive and clarified some things that i have been thinking about. I think he made a really good perception and it kinda clarified things that happend a bit ago...and it does make sense.

I know things rarely work out the way that I want, but maybe it is for the best. When I was a telemarketer a long time ago (yes, I hated being one, but it paid well) this lady that I was selling something or another too, told me that I wouldn't find love until late in life. Not that I believe in psychics or any of that stupid crap, but who knows?

There are a few things that i decided tonight. I never want to be someone's second choice (this has a few meanings). I want someone to love me for who I am. Maybe this'll happen, maybe it won't, but I'm not gonna stop living my life and put things on hold because it doesn't. Yeah I would like to be in a relationship, the idea is nice. I'm not gonna beat myself up (to often) about it.

I also really miss Shannon...sometimes it's hard to express yourself over email or over the phone and i miss being able to curl up on a couch and just talk...about whatever. I need to go out and vist her...or get her to come out here.